Dialectical Theory

Interpersonal relationships have been the subject of research and discussion for many centuries. Whether a relationship lasts or breaks depends so much on how the parties involved respond to the emerging challenges and how they respond to issues. According to the dialectic theory, all relationships undergo tensions which often result into contradictions. It is how the parties engaged in a relationship respond to tensions that shapes the way parties will handle tensions. For a husband and wife in a marriage or a boyfriend and girl friend in a love affair, the knowledge of the underlying assumptions of the dialectic theory is fundamental. This essay looks into the impact of dialectical tensions in relationships, the management of tensions in relationships and finally the strategies those in relationships can adopt to deal with tensions. The writer incorporates personal experience of tensions to expound and make clearer the points deliberated. Autonomy This is the desire to be independent in the things that you set out to do and also in your entire life. It occurs regardless of the closeness or intimacy that one has established with his/her partner or even with other people. The need to be autonomous in a relationship may lead to conflicts since your partner expects you to cooperate and do everything together inclusive of sharing ideas and experiences. Individual identity This refers to the process of trying to understand oneself in a better way. It involves making attempts of stabling ones weaknesses and strengths so that one can be able to his/her living grounds. It can result to tensions in a relationship in that on the process of trying to understand yourself your weaknesses may outweigh your strengths and this may bring about doubts on the side of tour partner. Change This is the desire to acquire and sustain variety for example in a relationship. It can be both positive and negative whereby negative change brings about much tension in a relationship. This refers to turning against the plans and agreements that were entered into during the beginning of the relationship. Desire for Separation This refers to the strong need to part ways with your partner may be because of inevitable circumstances like a job or due to existence of varied decisions between the partners whereby none wants to give in to each other’s decisions. This leads to tensions in a relationship and it can even yield into a divorce. Varied approaches- this refers to use of different means and ways to solve problems or address issues in the relationship by the partners. The partners may therefore have a lot of disagreements and this strains and puts tensions to the relationship. Privacy- this refers to the tendency of keeping things to oneself. The partners may decide not to disclose anything to each other and this really puts a lot of tension to the relationship since open-ness is not practiced. I have been in an intimate relationship for the past five years. Although there have been fundamental communication differences, at least the theory of dialectical tensions has been evident through out. There have been tensions which require to be solved constantly. First of all, my partner is from a different religious background, very committed and totally unyielding to compromise. Constantly the practices and doctrines he advocates are against my personal beliefs. On the other hand, I am reserved and although religious, I am not overly given into religiosity as was the case with my partner. Dialectical tensions are manifested in that, while my partner desires to have a baby I do not and often it is a subject of debate, something which has been going on and on for the last three years. Although both of us have learnt how to balance the tensions, it has taken quite a number of strategies and a good measure of effort. First of all, we had to agree on how many kids we were going to have if any. Secondly, we were in different careers with different goals in life. The prospects of marriage and therefore of having to raise a family together implied that one or both of us had to make quick changes to career path and it turned out to be me. This obviously was the last thing I had anticipated for and my family members as well as close friends were very much against such a decision. So a decision had to be made and for that matter very fast. To achieve a balance of the contradictions I had to balance between what I wanted for my relationship versus what my friends and family wanted for me. I also had to balance between the career and the prospects of changing as well as the cost that goes with raising a well rounded family. I also had to balance between being faithful and obedient to my spouse and being truthful to myself. Integration/separation. The fact that I was changing career paths in order to be together with my spouse meant that, I was undergoing a major dilemma as far as sacrificing my identity was concerned. We were going to integrate into marriage and therefore someone if not both of us needed to make some sacrifices. I made some. In terms of the advice and discouragement from my friends, I had to ignore their pleas. This was a separation in that, my decision which was final was against their advice and therefore a separation resulted. Stability/change. Having underwent several relationships which were all intimate, switching or at least breaking one and later forming another was a change in itself. This resulted into stability tension in that. Every time I entered into a relationship, I never wanted to break it even if it seemed like it was not headed into a marriage. There was and imminent fear of life without this and that partner and this was a major cause of stability tension for me. Expression/privacy. This tension has continued to grip me to date, disclosing to my partner something has never been easy especially when the consequences are not clear and are unpredictable. In my current relationship, I am the private one while my partner is the open one. While my partner can virtually open up about any issue however damaging or secret, I always find myself struggling to do that. It takes a lot of pestering to get information out of me especially when I consider the information potentially damaging. Strategies of responding to the above tensions. The strategies discussed here are real and have worked for me. In my relationship whereby the partner and I have major differences, including religious beliefs, I had to select to hang by my feelings and choice of action. It was not going to join my partners bandwagon and subscribe to the religious sect he belonged to. This eventually worked as he later accepted my choice. If I had acted in order to please him, I was going to suffer. I would have just sacrificed too much for nothing. In that, my strategy worked. By sticking to my position but still maintaining the relationship, I learnt how to cope with the tension of differences. In all other relationships before marriage, I ended up adopting separation strategy hence the reason why I would break up if a relationship was not working. Reaffirmation to me was not an ideal strategy in my relationship, although I hold the view that, it is applicable in cases whereby a spouse may be sickly but however serious the condition, the loved ones look up to the person getting well one day. In some cases it could be that, a relationship is abusive and a partner keeps on promising that they will change although actually nothing ever happens. Reframing again for me is a strategy I use in my current situation whereby I look at the demands of my relationship differently and therefore gives a new meaning to every contradiction. The tension of having to change career path so as to marry was a dialectical tension I overcame using the reframing strategy. Conclusion. Dialectical theory is very much effective for relationships and I would suggest it to all of the buddies out there who are undergoing hard times in their relationships. From the meanings to the strategies, an in-depth solution to tensions is offered. Therefore theoretical theory is an ideal alternative to solving crisis in relationships.